Does It Look Like I'm Happy Today?

The hell with being happy right now. I don’t wanna. I’m crossing my arms and pouting. I’m thinking up ways to cause mayhem.  I am so pissed off, I can feel needles in my scalp and tremors in my hands. My choice of language would make a sailor in the red-light district of Thailand blush.  I feel like the Hulk determined to annihilate his prey. I will figuratively jump out of a building, onto an airplane and attack whatever is getting on my nerves.  And that is okay.  We are often taught that anger is a negative feeling. I disagree. I am never more determined when I’m enraged.  I am relentless when I’m angry. It provides the push I need to get things done.  Anger is nothing more than energy, the response to that energy can be negative or positive.  I have to remind myself to control and use the anger, don’t have the anger control and use me.

When something is bothering me, it’s usually an indication that there is an unresolved matter within that I need to address.  Anger is merely a reflection of a lesson that has yet to be learned. Think about it, if the matter was resolved, would it irritate us so much?

Right now I am angry because I didn’t get something I wanted. I wanted it very badly and I was flat out refused. It makes no sense to me why I can’t have it. Have I not endured enough? How much more disappointment am I supposed to live with? Will it never end? Before I commence to getting myself in trouble, I pause. In the grand scheme of things is this loss all that great? No. Is my sense of entitlement -ego- making it difficult to see the larger picture? Yes. Won’t this just mean I will have to work harder for the thing I want? Most definitely.   And won’t that hard work ultimately pay off far greater than the original thing I wanted all along? Yes. Am I going to stop being angry? No. My anger is what will push me to leave no stone unturned until I get what I want.

Deepak Chopra, holistic health guru, gives a method to manage our moments of anger and not have them manage us.

Here’s a formula you can use over and over again to override that instinctive reaction to lose your temper. It uses the acronym, stop, S.T.O.P.:

S. Stands for stop, just stop, hold on, wait a minute.

T. Stands for take three deep breath and then smile.

O. Stands for observe what’s happening inside of you. It probably doesn’t feel very good. But you have to observe it to know that.

P. Stands for proceed with awareness and kindness.

My response to anger in the past would include tantrums, rants and the occasional knife-throwing. Thank God for meditation, prayer and the willingness to just be more mature. Now, when I’m disappointed or hurt, it’s a great opportunity to S.T.O.P. I allow myself the right to feel the emotion. It gives me the time to identify a way to evaluate the root cause of my feelings and use that information to create something positive. My real issue is dealing with my ego and the expectations I place on things that are not under my control. And if I’m being honest with myself, I haven’t worked that hard at obtaining the thing that I wanted. I wouldn’t have taken the time to check myself if I hadn’t gotten so worked up in the first place.

In the proper context, anger is good. This anger that I feel right now could have manifested into hopelessness and despair. It could have meant slipping into darkness by overeating, drinking or worse.  By my taking this anger and using it to my advantage, it will only help me grow. So if you cross my path today, you have been warned. While I’m not oozing happy today, my anger is purposeful and it's what I need to experience right now. Happy will have to wait for another day.